From Chaos to Clarity: Understanding and Balancing Inner Polarities

After a couple of weeks in my little cocoon, I am finally back. About seven weeks ago, I lost my inspiration. I realized that I wasn’t moving in the direction I wanted to, that it was extremely hard for me to stay focused, and that my mind was still cluttered with unresolved issues demanding my attention. I was keeping some escape routes open, avoiding what was bubbling under the surface—nothing other than chaos.

Chaos, in itself, isn’t inherently bad, especially if you know a) why it’s there, b) how to hold space for it without self-judgment, and c) how to balance it by bringing in structure and discipline. Unfortunately, I wasn’t doing any of these.

I have an interesting relationship with chaos. Generally, I’m someone who is very tidy in all areas of my life. I keep my house clean and organized, I like things to have their place (which sometimes causes friction in my relationships), I communicate clearly, I maintain a neat digital environment, and I operate with a color-coded calendar. Planning is my comfort zone. So, you can imagine how little space chaos used to have in my life—until the end of last year, when chaos suddenly became all-consuming. It felt like life was playing a joke on me to make up for all those years of control and structure. My identity fell apart entirely because many of the things I had firmly attached to—my career, some of my values, my relationships, and even my sense of being "the most organized one"—no longer made sense. Chaos ruled my days so much that, for a while, I couldn't even quiet my mind or soothe my emotions enough to read a book.

Ultimately, I am grateful for the ability to dive deep into that chaos. If these same events had happened to me three years ago, they wouldn’t have shaken me. I would have kept it together, made a plan, executed it, and kept my emotions safely hidden.

Fortunately, by that point, I had already been studying and practicing Tantra, which opened up a whole new spectrum inside of me. My inner feminine finally began to express itself after being lovingly invited and nurtured through various practices such as dance, energy meditation, breast massage, and shifting my awareness to see the feminine not as a weakness. In today's output-driven world, we mostly reward masculine qualities like proactivity, productivity, structure, and logic. But before I delve deeper into that, I’d like to clarify what I mean by the inner masculine and feminine.

Eastern philosophies often emphasize the polarities of life, a concept deeply rooted in the understanding that everything exists in complementary pairs: light and darkness, joy and sorrow, firm and soft, static and flowing. This idea is reflected in the concept of non-duality, which suggests there is no fundamental separation between the divine, the self, and the rest of existence. Non-duality speaks to the interconnectedness of all things, highlighting that opposites not only coexist but are also interdependent.

The yin-yang philosophy beautifully illustrates this by showing how opposing forces, like the moon and the sun or cold and hot, are not static or mutually exclusive. Instead, they exist in a dynamic interplay, each containing elements of the other. For example, there cannot be light without darkness, just as there cannot be day without night. This balance of opposites is essential for harmony and can be observed in everything, from the natural world to our inner energies.

Similarly, within each of us, regardless of our biological or chosen gender, exists a spectrum of masculine and feminine energies. These energies are fluid and can shift depending on our circumstances and needs. By understanding and harmonizing these internal polarities, we can achieve inner balance, cultivate mindful relationships, make more intuitive decisions, and even tap into our self-healing capacities. Everything, after all, is energy, and learning to navigate these energies is key to a more harmonious life.

When I first learned about the feminine and masculine traits, I realized I had spent most of my life leaning towards the masculine side. In full flow—meaning in full connection with our body, mind, and spirit, as well as an open energy system and higher consciousness—we would naturally balance ourselves on this spectrum. However, very few of us can truly say we are there. Often, these imbalances manifest as our body screaming for attention or go unnoticed as we rush through life.

Now, having explained all that, I want to return to chaos. Chaos is considered a feminine quality—yes, a quality. Chaos is life. Out of chaos comes creativity. Out of chaos comes knowing. However, the potential in chaos can only emerge when it is held in a safe container, which is where masculine energy comes in. There is a saying in the tantric tradition that goes, "Shakti (the feminine) without Shiva (the masculine) is chaos, and Shiva without Shakti is a corpse." This beautifully illustrates how essential both sides are to harness the qualities of each.

Becoming aware of this, and giving my inner feminine the space to show up, allowed the chaos to surface in the first place. However, because of too many things happening at once, a wave of emotions, and a lack of structure or purpose in my life, the chaos consumed me. It was stronger at the beginning of the year and slowly began to resolve, but it wasn’t fully tamed until these past few weeks when I finally started to invite back my the inner balance between masculine vs. feminine energy.

In my next blog post, I will discuss the healthy and wounded qualities of the feminine and masculine energies. Until then, I want to introduce my brand new offering, the “Polarity Workshop,” which I will offer to couples in an intimate setting to explore the polarities in their relationship and restore balance within themselves and together. This is for anyone curious about growing as a couple, reconnecting in busy lives, rebalancing dynamics, and reigniting fiery intimacy. Ideally this workshop happens in person in Bratislava or Vienna but can also be online for a reduced price. Feel free to reach out to me here.

See you soon,
Tina